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Joke of the Day

"I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. ... ... I now have $999,999.75"

"""Knock Knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""A law"" ""A law who?"" ""Allahu Akbar"""

"what base is it when he catches you sucking on a ketchup packet"

"Mary had a little lamb...... Best lamb chops I ever ate. SUCK IT VEGANS!"

"I want a sand timer with ground spices instead of sand That way when it starts to run out I can say, ""Oh no, I'm running out of Thyme!"""

"What do you call a vegetarian fart? Kale force wind!"

"What do pedophile sex-tourists and napalm have in common? They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under a minute."

"a great headline for when there is a world wide fresh water shortage will be ""water we gonna do??"" we will need the laughs"

"A man in a restaurant asks the waiter, ""How does the chef prepare the chicken?"" The waiter replies, ""He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"""

"I just saw a girl hang half her body out the window of her car to give someone the finger. She is my spirit animal."