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Joke of the Day

"Brother: Which is farther away- NY City or the moon? Sister: NY City. Why do ask? Brother: Well I can see the moon but I can't see NY City."

"I saw a sheep give birth today All I could say was ""ewe"" (I know this joke is probably overused but I'm currently on a Bill Nye the Science Guy nostalgia trip right now so fuck the haters.)"

"What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth? One was planned."

"Why couldn't the NSA go outside? They were Snowden."

"Her: *""Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?""* Me: *""Yes""*"

"How many millennials does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to do it, the other to give him his ribbon."

"I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine... ...now her clothes don't fit anymore"

"I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !"

"Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S... For Shooting"

"How many spoiled rich girls does it take... ...to change a light bulb? Just one, she yells, ""DAAAAADDY, I need a new house!"""