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Joke of the Day

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

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"When I ask people who they think my son looks like... ...They tell me he looks like his real father."
"I wish someone would leave a horse's head in my bed so that when my kids sneak up on me in the morning, I can be like, BAM, horse's head."
"Me:What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat? 6: no M: oh for the bath? 6: no M: the pool? 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no"
"I wish I was Jewish Every time somebody farted I could say: ""Are you a Nazi? Because you just gassed a Jew."""
"What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore."
"What kind of drink would a lollipop make? Sucker punch."
"What kind of pig do sows dislike? Male Chauvinist Pigs."
"Wouldn't it be messed up if we found out Rome was built in like 23.5 hours?"
"Joke What goes oom oom"
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