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Joke of the Day

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"my fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that i lied about on my drivers license"

"Why is revenge a dish best served with honey? Because honey is what you find at the end of bee trails (betrayals)"

"A knock-knock joke Knock knock Who's there? Boo Boo who? Please don't cry."

"Tifu by farting in my girlfriend's face It was a shitty thing to do."

"*puts bread in toaster* hmm something strange about the toaster today Duck(from in toaster): no there isnt"

"why put cookie dough in the oven when you can put it in your mouth"

"Came up with this on a long car ride What's a skeleton's least favorite game? wishbone"

"A paedophile, a sadist, and a Priest walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink."

"Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? Women working at 900 numbers."