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Joke of the Day

"Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons? They're made out of dill dough."

"My daydream solution to organizing my house is always arson."

"An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday He wanted to talk about Cheeses."

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? Because they can't stand to see a man happy."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control. He's an ex-terminator now."

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"[at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water"

"I took two years of anger management courses Now I'm the manager of four brand new anger stores"

"My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist. I told him to stop being so clothes minded"

"A man is knocked out during a robbery.His wife and children are brutally murdered- Pixar: Gee it's kinda dark ...Ok a FISH is- Pix: YES."