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Joke of the Day

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"Why did the sailboat start exercising? It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!"

"Why does the murder no longer use axe? Because he realized it can't wash away his sins"

"What's the difference between a Greyhound bus station and a lobster with tits? One's a crusty bus station; the other is a busty crustacean."

"Did you hear about the antennas that got married? The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent."

"ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: What time is it? ME: Haha. Yeah definitely"

"I sleep like a baby... With your mom's tit in my mouth."

"When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her Calm down, it's not what you think..."

"Our son brought weed to Show & Tell and the teacher sent him home with $50 pinned to his shirt."

"My mom has been trying to forward me an email since Monday June 23rd.....it's now Friday June 27th.... still no email"