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Joke of the Day

"[at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water"

"What do you call a wandering caveman? A Meanderthal."

"You can't blame me for making jokes about the earthquake. It's not my fault."

"The Filipino diving team."

"So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day"

"This world would be a much better place if some people's mothers would've just had a headache."

"My boss touched me inappropriately at work today. It's quite rewarding working from home I tell ya"

"First day on the job as a drug dealer... Dealer: I don't have coke... is Pepsi okay? *gets stabbed*"

"Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For hispanic attacks."

"How do you measure a snake? In inches. Snakes don't have any feet."