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Joke of the Day

"A man is knocked out during a robbery.His wife and children are brutally murdered- Pixar: Gee it's kinda dark ...Ok a FISH is- Pix: YES."

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"You can tell a lot about my BF by the way he's giving me the silent treatment. He's doing it wrong. I'm doing it right but can't tell him."

"What happens when ducks fly upside down ? They quack up !"

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? Its cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

"A feminist asked me what my view was on lesbians I answered 1080p"

"Yo mama's so fat... ...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie."

"Why do they call him shitman? His name is steven hitman"

"What do soy products and a vibrator have in common? The both substitute meat"

"*conducting job interview* And what would you say your biggest weakness is? Other than that haircut."