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Joke of the Day

"There's an ISIS comedy night coming up... I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb."

"Intellectual Property Carpe TM."

"How'd the husband know his wife was fooling around? Got home from work, kicked off her panties, and they stuck to the wall"

"I'm scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I'll run them under cold water for half a second"

"What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours"

"I was going to make a subreddit about middle children today, But then I realised everyone would just forget about it."

"What did Sushi A say to Sushi B WASA B!"

"What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President? West wing"

"""Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?"" *throws pineapple against grocery store wall* ""Ah nuts that was a good one."""

"If Subway had put an extra piece of cheese on every sandwich without telling the customer, I wonder how many of those kids would've been able to outrun Jared."