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Joke of the Day

"My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don't understand science."

"Everyone tells me I hold grudges just like my dad. They say I'm a chip on the old shoulder."

"When I text someone in the same room as me, I stare at them until they get it..."

"I'm basically shuffling papers and watching the clock until the next Batman movie."

"What do elephants use for tampons? Sheep."

"You want people to leave you alone? Carry a clip board and try to make eye contact."

"Why did the tomcat get sent to prison? For looking at kitty porn."

"Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of the hostages!"

"My first broadway show was about puns. It was a play on words."

"""Premature ejaculation man I NEED HELP!!"" I'M COMING!"