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Joke of the Day

"Why did the tomcat get sent to prison? For looking at kitty porn."

"If I was an alcoholic, I'd stash all my booze in the laundry basket because apparently I'm the only person in my house who knows it exists."

"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy"

"Fruitcake is like marriage. It takes two things that are great on their own and mashes them together into one thing that sucks."

"What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop!"

"Donald Trump is not actually a member of the Republican Party He's a *Whig*"

"I bought new sunglasses that blend well with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head"

"Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has to eat enough to feed a family of 4 every day. He has to! I just do it because I feel like it."

"What was Bob the Builder called after he retired? Bob."

"A man falls in love with a nun and they run away together... The church says it doesn't mind, as long as he doesn't get into the habit."