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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a seabird who's easily taken in? Gullible."

"I respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable."

"We had a muslim friend.. Who was always late to the class. We used to call him 9/12. Edit: he is still my best friend."

"Little Girl: mom, I want to be an alligator when I grow up Mom: well, pick one. You can't be...acghhghh! Stop eating me! Aghhghhh...ah..a...bleh."

"What is the worst thing about farming vegetables? The wheelchairs are too expensive."

"my dance moves can best be described as ""did that dude just try to leap frog?"" & ""whoa that's a lot of blood"" & ""is he still alive?"""

"Life is so unfair. Why does eating make you fat? Killing people should make you fat. Being an asshole should make you fat. GOD WHY EATING??"

"4yo has repeated one word for an hour. 6yo is ninja fighting his imaginary friend. My move to a mental asylum will be an easy transition."

"Where is the lost city of Atlantis? Lantis. I can't believe nobody has thought to look there yet."

"[dark alley] Here's the $3 million, thanks again for this, be sure to send pictures. Kidnapper: Wait, don't you want your kids back?"