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Joke of the Day

"I respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable."

"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A fish"

"A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, ""Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt!"""

"Why do so many Jews enjoy smoking? The ashes reminds them of their parents."

"What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open? Tennish"

"How do you raise a baby elephant ? With a fork lift truck !"

"Did you hear about the live performance about the dictionary? I heard it was a play on words."

"What is an office gossip's favorite tool? A spreadshit, of course."

"Whens someone says you've changed, it simply means you've stopped living your life their way"

"I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution... But it didn't really land. I guess execution really is key"