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Joke of the Day

"Little Girl: mom, I want to be an alligator when I grow up Mom: well, pick one. You can't be...acghhghh! Stop eating me! Aghhghhh...ah..a...bleh."

"What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing, because muffins can't talk.."

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor"

"If you watch Jeopardy backwards... ... it becomes a show where people pay money to ask questions."

"This is your captain speaking... AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."

"My ex girlfriend had a dog. That thing was so crazy I ended up putting her down. But I kept the dog."

"Once my son was shooting nerfguns @ the clock &when I asked why said ""bc time killed the dinosaurs."" My kids are never leaving home are they"

"Q: Why don't blondes like buttered toast? A: They can't figure out which side the butter goes on."

"Benedict Cumberbatch is proof that a white guy banged a cat."

"Why do old men take Viagra... It stops them from rolling out of bed."