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Joke of the Day
"did you hear that a former US president bought out a convenience store chain? Bush did 7/11"
Next Joke
"When I refer to kids as ""Snot-dripping, germ-spreading spawns of Satan"" I hope you realize I'm not referring specifically to YOUR children."
"What do you call a charming tool? A rake"
"Why did truffle get invited to the party? Cos he was a fun-guy"
"Friend: Don't come on too strong is my dating tip. [At the restaurant] Her: Can you pass the salt, please? Me: Sorry, it's too heavy."
"What is a Mathematician specializing in absolute numbers called? A Sith."
"Just got a package in the mail today... DEEZ NUTS! HAHHHHHHH GOT-EEEM"
"They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss."
"When I'm sick, I just remember my mother's sage advice: Feed a cold, starve a fever, and drown a soul-crushing depression in food and booze."
"Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink."