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Joke of the Day

"Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he's driving them crazy? Me as a principal: Maybe"

"There are 42 references to food in the Bible, nuts, crackers, and fruitcakes are some of the... people who believe in it."

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day... ...set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one."

"My Son Is A Genius Mom 1: my son is so smart I swear he's the next Albert Einstein Mom 2: oh really? My son is the next Steven Hawking, he never gets his up off his ass"

"I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it."

"Me on New Year's Day: 2016 is so going to be my year! (Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year."

"Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome. The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said"" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!"""

"Frizzy hair? Coconut oil No shaving cream? Coconut oil Dry skin? Coconut oil Relationship problems? Coconut oil Bad credit? Coconut oil"

"A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park."