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Joke of the Day

"What should you do when an elephant comes in your window? Swim."

"To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony"

"got so drunk last night that I ate a salad"

"If you leave me a voicemail, congratulations. You've just given me the gift of anxiety."

"Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 332 words."

"What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef."

"100 years ago, 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan. Now it's called the F1."

"My dream job? That's easy: Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone. That's Old School Twitter."

"Calling someone average is mean but I think they are the mean"

"If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress."