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Joke of the Day
"Here's the thing about women: it's really hard to write a good joke about them."
Next Joke
"Don't forget the 3 most important factors in choosing the right words for a ubiquitous real estate mantra: Locution, locution, locution. *twitter: @chippedbeef*"
"Honked & did thumbs-up to teen goth girl on the street I thought looked super cool & she rolled her eyes & I was like YES EXACTLY KEEP AT IT"
"""I'd have to say my two favorite things are sex, and not having my head bitten off."" -soon to be disappointed praying mantis"
"What's the opposite of pro? Con. So what's the opposite of progress?"
"How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration."
"are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies"
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 189,463 times, you're the editor of HuffPo."
"Whoever coined the term ""gross profit"" wasn't getting paid for their job."
"""These fries are too crispy"" - inventor of the microwave"