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Joke of the Day

"A polar bear walks into a bar Sez, ""l'll take a gin .... [ ] .... ..... and tonic."" Bartender sez, ""Why the big pause""?"

"Does your wife know you're single?"

"What's the difference between my computer and Paul Walker? I don't give a shit about Paul Walker crashing."

"For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don't get her a bathroom scale. Nope."

"What's long, hard, and has cum in it? ... a cuCUMber."

"I respect the guy who drives his Blue BMW through the White Castle drive thru. It's like he's saying: ""I'm better than youbut not by much."""

"How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish."

"The MI5 are watching every move I make and breath I take... It seems it's a sting operation"

"Do NOT lower your standards to ""keep"" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power."

"My girlfriend told me that she just needed a little space. So now she lives in the trunk of my car."