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Joke of the Day

"I wrote a song about a tortilla... Well, actually, it's more of a wrap."

"What does every Tickle Me Elmo receive before it leaves the factory? Two testicles."

"Is high blood pressure contagious? Because I think I'm getting it from my patients."

"When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always ""I don't believe you."""

"What's ISIS' favorite kind of discount? Blowouts"

"Sammy just bought a new pair of pants. He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing. ""Ballroom?"" Dean asks. ""Not much,"" Sammy replies."

"What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest? Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room."

"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"

"I think black people are great Everybody should own one!"

"Vending machines are so homophobic Like, I'm sorry my dollar bill wasn't straight enough for you."