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Joke of the Day

"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"

"I wonder if this whole Ebola thing is going to go viral Thoughts?"

"Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival."

"""Algebra."" really laid back oceanographer, responding to ""What's that green stuff?"""

"Every summer I go to Grammar Camp we discuss creative ideas and pitch our new tense."

"A solipsist posts on a forum In his thread, he asks, ""Anyone else out there a solipsist?"" After a day of no replies He thinks to himself, ""I guess it's just me!"""

"Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner."

"I can never be a fan of Negative People... Squarely rooting for them is simply... Imaginary."

"My medical insurance plan is so bad that I'm not allowed to see my doctor. He just reads my Twitter and adjusts my medications."

"What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope."