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Joke of the Day

"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"

"Called my wife a whore I called my wife a whore once during sex. She made me pay for that afterwards."

"Siri, does this look infected?"

"The anti pick-up line. ""Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [pause while smiling] Because it looks like you landed on your face"" I'd love to hear some of yours."

"Q: Why couldn't the woman buy a bakery shop? A: She couldn't raise enough dough."

"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them."

"Ladies, try carrying a sausage and 2 apricots in your pocket for a day without them moving and you'll see why we need to readjust ourselves."

"I started a band called 1023 Megabytes We're pretty good but we haven't gotten a gig yet"

"Studies have shown horses exposed to marijuana are less stable and unsafe to ride. So get off your high horse."

"Why was Joan of Arc never good in debates? Because she could not take the heat."