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Joke of the Day

"my wife tried to tell me that I'm in denial... So I told her to go back to school and learn geography because I'm standing nowhere near a river in Egypt"

"If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?"

"What did the unused dough say to the baker? Why don't you knead me?"

"If you're a girl and you get a ticket for going 5-10 over the speed limit, you might want to think about plastic surgery."

"So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with but I've been tripping all day."

"How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin? She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions."

"What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa."

"How do you know when you've fucked an apple? When you're in cider"

"Recently I'm having a lot of bad dates! I've to try grapes now!"

"All men are idiots...and I married their king."