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Joke of the Day

"If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?"

"Steven Hawking walks into a bar... Just kidding."

"How many things do you need to change a lightbulb? 3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Mat"

"Some people that are into devotism are fucking idiots."

"Sometimes, When I Think Of My Books... I touch my shelf."

"What's the best part of divorce? Two Kwanzaas"

"A tree falls in the forest and kills a baby, whos fault is it? The lumberjack"

"I'm going to sit here and wink at you. It's going to be a very long wink. With both eyes. Please, by all means, go on with your story."

"A cow stumbled upon a marijuana field about to get harvested. It quickly turned into a high steak situation. haha?"