20306

Joke of the Day

"If you're a girl and you get a ticket for going 5-10 over the speed limit, you might want to think about plastic surgery."

"My ex-girlfriend's star sign was cancer. It is quite ironic how she died.... .... she was killed by a giant crab."

"Just had to gently break it to all these girls in Starbucks that they are not Zooey Deschanel."

"Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them."

"Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank? He wanted to wake up oily."

"It only takes 3 inches to please a woman And it doesn't matter if it's Visa, MasterCard, or American Express."

"5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That'd wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation"

"A Woman Comes To The Physician - Herr doctor! My husband is very sick! - OK. Get undressed and show me what does he complain of..."

"No mom I won't go to ""night school,"" I already get what night is, it's that bullshit thing where the sun turns into the moon for a few hours"

"My wife always compliments me after an argument. ""I couldn't have married a bigger d!ck"""