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Joke of the Day

"Yahoo news reports that Johnny Manziel was forced to sit in the middle seat of an airliner. I guess they should have let him fly the plane."

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands."

"What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness? ...knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing?"

"Why do Hummingbirds hum Because they forgot the words!"

"I'm switching all of my clocks to a 24-hour format... ...making it much easier to wait til 5 o'clock to start drinking"

"How do the fish get to school ? By octobus !"

"did you hear about the flaccid, chinese penis that ran for presidency? He didn't stand a chance in the erection."

"What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party? TURNIP"

"Felons would be a really valuable voting base... After all, we know they have conviction."

"Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher."