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Joke of the Day

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands."

"A little boy asked his mother ""Mommy... why is daddy running in zig-zags in the back yard?"" ""Shut up and reload!"" she said."

"What kind of type face does a pachyderm use? ele-font"

"People who are constipated are such activists. They're seriously always trying to start a movement..."

"Why did Mrs. Quartz divorce Mr. Quartz? He took her for granite."

"Consequences One of the more interesting consequences of having watched *Pulp Fiction* before reading *Hamlet*, is that I pictured Marcellus as a big black guy."

"Yo mama so fat she uses the interstate as a slip and slide."

"Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light"

"I don't understand why Taylor Swift has removed all of her music from streaming services You can stream Taylor Swift anytime you want just by turning on the radio"

"What is a grape without 'g'? It's still a grape, just without gravity."