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Joke of the Day

"What did one turnip say to the other? We're white and bulbous, just like America"

"I don't mind that my wife thinks I'm crazy. I mind that I have to hear it from our dog."

"It would have been really ironic if Andy Dick's parents had named him Hugh."

"Her: when you said ""magical in bed"" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit"

"Grasshopper walks into a bar Bartender goes ""*hey! you.... we have a drink named after you, buddy!*"" Grasshopper excitingly responds ""*no way! You have a drink named Steve?*"""

"What do you call a bird that believes in the change in the basic assumptions, or paradigms, within the ruling theory of science? A *parrot*-digm shift."

"Kylo Ren: What was Vader like? Leia: He blew up my planet & killed everyone I loved. Kylo: Leia: Kylo: What was his stance on sideburns?"

"Why is grammar class the most boring? It puts all the students in a ,"

"What's worse than getting AIDs? Having to find out that your dog has AIDs too."

"When apart, Sodium and Chlorine are harmful. When they form a bond, they are harmless to humans. Huh, isn't that ionic?"