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Joke of the Day

"When apart, Sodium and Chlorine are harmful. When they form a bond, they are harmless to humans. Huh, isn't that ionic?"

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"

"What's the British equivalent to hit it and quit it. Bang her and dash."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]"

"You'd think a baby would make the perfect paperweight, but this one keeps rolling off my desk."

"You don't need to learn how to masturbate, It comes naturally."

"Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil."

"What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid? Hey, wanna buy some candy?"

"Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses!! You certainly do sir. This is a fish and chip shop."

"Why were there 600 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had 2 cars."