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Joke of the Day

"Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair"

"Remember, if you're ever being attacked by a mob of clowns Always go for the juggler."

"What do you call a herpes pun? a play on warts"

"So, I was giving my nephew a bath the the other day...... and he pointed to my penis and asked ""Why is your penis bigger than mine?"" I looked at him and said ""That's because mine is erect!"""

"R.I.P Dense Water Vapour. You will always be mist."

"My roommate just told me he tried to walk to Russia from Alaska. He pulled up short because he couldn't get his Bering Strait."

"How does Donald Trump plan to silence the terrorists? Muzzle 'em"

"""This is way too delicious. Let's ruin it."" -People who put pineapple on pizza."

"There's only way we can end this; we have to kill the head Wayans."

"Boss: this project is moving along at a snail's pace!! *silence* Todd the snail: This is bullshit *spends 3hrs storming out of meeting*"