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Joke of the Day

"My roommate just told me he tried to walk to Russia from Alaska. He pulled up short because he couldn't get his Bering Strait."

"Why don't neckbeards hit on people with heart conditions? Because people with heart conditions take beta-blockers."

"[The Bachelor] Some of you will be getting roses tonight... [bee in the back] AW HELL YEAH"

"Sled prices are too damn high but you can find a good deal if you're willing toboggan."

"Oh for goodness sake, if abortion was really the same as murdering babies nobody would favour it. Isn't it OBVIOUS you're missing the point?"

"What's long, hard, and has cum in it? A cucumber."

"if she doesn't reciprocate ur first ""i love u"", press ur finger to ur strategically placed bluetooth & say ""oh cool u love me too? nice"""

"Stop sending toys to children in Africa It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you."

"so the united states is ebola free now... I wonder how much the premium version of ebola will cost."

"A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. ""Are you a friend of the bride ?"" he asked. ""Certainly not"" she snapped ""I'm the groom's mother."""