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Joke of the Day

"Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici meaning I came, I saw, I conquered. Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto: Veni, vidi, veni."

"People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses."

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"

"I met my bae on PirateBay... You could even say I swept her off her foot."

"What do you call a Canadian group of racists? The Ku Kanux Klan."

"What's the difference between a canoe and a Jew? Canoes tip."

"Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena? I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016."

"The problem with dieting is food."

"The high today is only 37 and the low is when I ate an entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy before 10am."

"ME: hey guys what's the herps? HIM: u mean haps? M: oh, haha yea. what's the itch?I mean sitch H: uh M: hows it herpin? H: M: I have herpes"