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Joke of the Day

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"

"People who believe in aliens are such freaking idiots. I'll tweet more about it when I get back from my Bigfoot hunt tonight."

"What do santa and a Jew have in common? they both escape through the chimney."

"I actually like the smell of hospitals.. Does that make me a sick person?"

"Why couldn't the NSA go outside? They were Snowden."

"So Bruce Jenner might have been texting... Does this make him a transtextual? ....I'll see my way out"

"If a tree falls in the forest... ...and Linkin Park was playing a concert adjacent to that tree, in the end, does it even matter?"

"Qui-gon: You will give me the parts Watto: I'm immune to mind tricks Qui: Are you immune to lightsabers? Watto: I will give you the parts"

"Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?! 7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor."

"If Kevin Bacon is ever caught outside during a blizzard, it'd be pretty awesome if when he was found his core temperature was six degrees."