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Joke of the Day

"ME: hey guys what's the herps? HIM: u mean haps? M: oh, haha yea. what's the itch?I mean sitch H: uh M: hows it herpin? H: M: I have herpes"

"Who said the first million was the hardest? Was it hitler?"

"Ugh my boyfriend's all ""Stop asking my Dad if he likes your underoos"" and ""Stop snap-chatting my Mom"" and ""Stop calling me your boyfriend"""

"""OOOOOH an email!"" - me, every single fucking time I email myself"

"Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new ""Stealth Condom?"" A: ""They'll never see you coming."""

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck"

"I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis."

"How do clams communicate? A shell phone!"

"Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends? Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo."

"What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver? Time to get a new watchdog."