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Joke of the Day

"Kanye West is opening up a breakfast restaurant... Omelette You Finish"

"[kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT."

"Did you hear about the kid who brought a home made watch to school? He had a real bad time..."

"BRUTUS: hail Caesar *draws knife* CEASAR: not this time *hands Brutus an Uno ""reverse"" card* B: SHIT ROMAN SENATE:*stabs Brutus to death*"

"If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad."

"A man is at a drug store A man is at a drug store and asks the clerk for 50 condoms. The 2 girls behind him start laughing when he turns around he says ""Make that 52"""

"What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise? Open the door and kick her out."

"Trump: ""Let's get that Muslim band going"" ""Band? We thought you said ban"" Trump: ""No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"""

"What's the difference between an epileptic oysterman and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits..."

"Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code."