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Joke of the Day

"If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad."

"Why the U.S suck at chess? 'Cuz they lost two towers"

"How did the bootician style the ghost's hair? With a scare dryer!"

"Why did the stop sign get an STD? Because it had a 4-way."

"Le dice una madre a su hijo ""Me ha dicho un pajarito que te drogas!""... El hijo responde: ""La que se debe estar drogando eres tu que andas hablando con pajaros"""

"I couldn't be a Step-Father. I don't drink enough."

"My doctor wrote me a prescription... It writes dailysex but my girlfriend insists it's dyslexia"

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today They must have been laced or something cause I've been trippin all day."

"The EU has said that more needs to be done to help the Syrian refugees, especially the children. May I recommend swimming lessons?"

"FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans."