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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an epileptic oysterman and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits..."

"We sent you an email, please check... please check your junk... Mail."

"My daughter does this thing where she copies EVERYTHING the dog does; Bark, beg, fetch etc. It was adorable! Until the dog humped the couch"

"[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust? Orange Jews from concentrate"

"What do you call a priest giving a long, boring sermon? An anes-theologist. (close enough)"

"I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long."

"I can turn water into Kool-Aid. Your move Jesus."

"When do burgers quit their jobs? The day they decide to meat LOAF!"

"When I found out my toaster wasn't water proof... I WAS SHOCKED!"

"Yesterday I met a pirate that wouldn't stop telling me about his age. Aye matey."