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Joke of the Day

"BRUTUS: hail Caesar *draws knife* CEASAR: not this time *hands Brutus an Uno ""reverse"" card* B: SHIT ROMAN SENATE:*stabs Brutus to death*"

"I became an atheist when I found out there was a religion that prohibited bacon."

"To the people that put their Twitter link in their own Twitter profile: Thank you. I would have never found you otherwise."

"Why do Steven Avery's victims see him naked from the waist down? Because his lawyers keep filing away his briefs."

"Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess a snail makes?"

"I often misuse common phrases People are always pulling me off for it."

"if you open Door.jar, is the door still ajar?"

"What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate? ""OH^- NO^3+ !"""

"dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun"

"What did Tony the Tiger say to the kids playing baseball? ""Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!"""