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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see Americans make fun of Kim Jong-un, I think to myself Come on, you're bigger than that."

"I like my men like I like my coffee: encouraging my bowel movements"

"The FDA has announced a ban of all pre-shredded cheeses They want to make America grate again."

"Talk shit about Billy Joel to me & you'll get BLOCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCKED. You oughta know by now."

"If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now? A math problem"

"I met the inventor of the crossword last week. Can't remember his name. P something T something R."

"""This is not a drill!"" -Lying electric drill that refers to itself in the third person"

"The difference What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ? One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea."

"Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair"

"What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter? With Twitter the number of characters do not go down with time"