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Joke of the Day

"[day after trying sushi for the first time] ME: *putting frozen chicken nuggets on table* WIFE: this isn't cooke- ME: it's sushi, susan"

"Some (Hopefully OC) poem I thought of while lounging around. There once was a man named Larry Whose stomach detested dairy He had ice cream Harmless it seemed But next afternoon he was buried"

"My dick is like a chinese finger trap. The more you struggle, the harder it gets."

"Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station? It is a day to be tankful."

"guy next to me on my flight is just staring forward. no movie, no book, nothing. so its been nice knowing you I'm about to be murdered"

"Damn baby, you make me feel like the economic times during Martin Van Buren's Presidency. Hard."

"Soon a hero will rise. Then he will fall again. Then he will rise and also fall. Wait. The hero is on a trampoline."

"I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things."

"The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers But it was just a miner inconvenience"

"When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there."