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Joke of the Day

"What usually comes after the monster lights the birthday candles? The fire department."

"if a plumber's career can go down the drain... And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?"

"I just molested myself. I said no, but I knew I wanted it."

"Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out ""get more dogs""] obviously"

"fun prank: replace sugar packets at restaurants with cocaine"

"Stevie Wonder was in a horrendous car accident the other week. His life flashed before his ears."

"I don't understand why we're always sending pills to Africa... I mean... aren't you supposed to take them after meals?"

"What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I'll go on ahead"

"no, dont go there dont touch that no, leave it alone keep your hands off! a typical morning with my 3yo (or pissed off with my husband)"

"What do you call a rising poll? Upvote"