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Joke of the Day

"Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out ""get more dogs""] obviously"

"How many male chauvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, let the wenches do the dishes in the dark."

"The best joke of all time. Women's rights."

"A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM"""

"Why should one masturbate while calling Comcast customer support? Because getting fucked in the asshole when you are not horny feels awful"

"I'm back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here."

"They should just report when there WASN'T a shooting in Florida at this point"

"I always pretend I've never had the samples at Costco. ""What's this? Bagel Bites? Combining bagel & pizza into one?? Now this I GOTTA TRY!"""

"Why do old people read the bible so much? I asked my grandad the other day ""why do old people read the bible so much?"" He replied ""cause we're cramming for finals"""

"If Britney Spears can get through 2007 you can get through school..."