184507

Joke of the Day

"[1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]"

"I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies."

"Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always."

"My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited."

"Canadians have to stick together. Really, it's the massive amounts of maple syrup. They don't have much of a choice."

"What's the worst thing about being a black Jew? You have to sit at the back of the oven."

"Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap."

"What disease do elderly dinosaurs get? Jurassic Parkinsons"

"*Job interview* ""Im gonna need you to pee in this cup"" *hands boss full cup* ""Let's start the interview"" *boss just sips it the whole time*"

"When is the best time to hold a funeral? In the mourning. FYI, my 11yo says he made this up today, right after learning of death in the extended family."