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Joke of the Day

"Underwear isn't protecting you from your pants. It's protecting your pants from YOU! Another conspiracy uncovered."

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee... ...go to bed at 3 AM as if you did not have to get up at 7."

"Why does a fat man when squeezed compliment the ladies? Because the pressure makes him flatter."

"BowHead Whales! The problem with Bowhead whales is how narcissistic they are. They just won't stop thinking that they are Right!"

"Psychiatrist: ""Your check bounced and was returned for insufficient funds."" Me: ""So how does that make you feel?"""

"How did the bird get his bluetooth to work? He had to parrot."

"Q: Why did Ebenezer Scrooge go to New York City? A: To see the Grumpire State Building."

"You know whats the problem with Proctologists.... They always butt in."

"[if trump wins somehow] alien: ""i said take me to your leader"" me: ""dude i swear this is him"""

"What do you call a serial killing cannibal who catches on fire easily? Flammable Lector."