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Joke of the Day

"if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears"

"What does Ron Howard ask before watersports? You down with Opie pee?"

"Advertising agencies should start using gametes in their commercials Because you know, sex cells"

"Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies? Orphans."

"You should've seen my bad spelling. That shit was [sic]."

"""Count your blessings. Then count them again."" - OCD optimist"

"When I die I want my skeleton turned into a xylophone. Just like the good ol' days."

"And that, Romeo, is why we usually try to take a pulse first."

"Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly? Cause they would quack up."

"If I don't mention you, then the tweet/status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it."