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Joke of the Day

"If I don't mention you, then the tweet/status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it."

"What's in common between Batman and a black guy? They can't go into a store without Robin"

"What is the difference between Chelsea and Leo di caprio? Chelsea got Oscar. huehuehuehue."

"I asked my mother if I could have some cloth to give to the nuns. She said, ""Fine, just don't let it become a habit"""

"Men don't know what it's like to give birth but women don't know what it's like to have children you may not be aware of. Let's call it even"

"Gatorade: ""We no longer see a role for Tiger in our marketing."" Under his breath: ""Because 'Is it in you?' sounds wrong now."""

"[nsfw] why do Jewish women prefer circumcised men? They'll take anything that's 30% off"

"I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands."

"Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL. But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver."

"Not only did I find 5 grey hairs on the top of my head but they were also sticking straight up. So....I'm transforming into Albert Einstein."