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Joke of the Day

"Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies? Orphans."

"Me: SPIDER! Brain: Nope, fluff. Me: SPIDER! Brain: That is a fly. Me: SPIDER!!! Brain: sigh. That's your hand idiot."

"Grandpa was a healthy 82 when he fell in a vat of lard. After that, he went downhill really fast..."

"Amazon review: Amazon river DO NOT GO HERE! Everything tries to kill you, plus they don't even have free shipping."

"What does a desperate Mexican do? Bangs his head against the wall."

"Why do groups of cows not like new music releases? Because they've herd it all before"

"So I got asked if I wanted a threesome... I said no thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents."

"Rumours suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him. Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds."

"What's the difference between a ginger and a brick? Bricks get laid."

"My friend told this great lumberjack joke the other day. But no one was around to hear it..."