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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I have an intimate relationship, but she got upset when I was using her toothbrush. So I just said 'Hey, if YOU have a better way to get dogshit out of sneakers...'"

"Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy? He didn't either."

"Just found out my daughter's super power is repeating what I've said about others as soon as she meets them."

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"You can say what you like about Paedophiles... ..at least they drive slowly in a school area."

"He said he wanted to ""put more than just words in my mouth"" and I was like ""I hope you mean hamburgers."""

"Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack."

"What do you call a religious bird? A bird of prey."

"Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money? A: Yelp!"

"What do you call a cannibal who only eats comatose people? A vegetarian."