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Joke of the Day

"I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*"

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"Did you hear about the german who accidently put his hand in boiling oil? he Gottfried.."
"*Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust* Remember Peter, give me a call if it last longer than 4 hours."
"What did the bra say to the hat? ""You go on ahead, I gotta give these two a lift."""
"I wish my wife worked at Subway Maybe then she would make me a sandwich."
"Margret Thatcher Walks Up to the Pearly Gates Saint Peter looks at her and says ""Is this some kind of joke?"""
"I run a support group for sex addicts They're all in the other room sitting in a circle... OH MY GOD"
"The guy no one likes walked into a bar and said ""You lost The Game."""
"[Walmart customer service] ME: i want to talk to the manager. MANAGER: hi sir is there a problem? ME: no, i just want to talk."
"Why did the Vietnamese woman get a career as a prostitute? Because she likes Dongs."