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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a computer with an amazing singing voice? A Dell."

"World peace (how to) If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours...followed by a global food shortage."

"me: i'm really glad we met, i feel like I can completely be myself around u. u had me at hello kidnapper: pls stop talking"

"[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*"

"Why is the letter ""t"" so important to a stick insect? Without it would be a sick insect."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... Five."

"""We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other."" -yet another lie I just told my toddler"

"She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically."

"A dad walks into his daughter's room and saw her fapping with a cucumber, he said: Hey! I was going to eat that, now it's going to taste like cucumber!"

"The last four digits of you're credit card are: 8905 So, who just got a mini heart attack?"