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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Toronto's mayor tell us earlier about his drug use? It must have fallen through a crack."

"Have you heard of the grammar nazi? He is really anti-semantic..."

"Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, ""Did you bring the lube?"" As loud as possible."

"{Text} Me: Come home soon baby, I'm dressed like Leia.. Him: So turned on, I am.. Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it's not happening"

"Literal People Anonymous Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!"

"Be alert! The world needs more lerts"

"An owl and a mouse are sitting on a branch when a farmer walks by below. The owl turns to the mouse and says nothing. Because owls can't speak. The owl then eats the mouse because it's a bird of prey."

"How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A fish."

"me at five am: should i sleep for two hours or stay up me at now am: Did my coworker just say ""email"" or ""bee jail"". what did the bee do"

"What's grey and comes in litres? An elephant. Apologies if this is a repost - heard it yesterday and had to share."