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Joke of the Day

"When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, ""Shark! Help!"" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Me: Have fun on your date. Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high? Me: You really aren't my kid are you?"

"Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption ""Summer is finally here!"" or we wouldn't have known it's summer."

"I found out my girlfriend is really into buoyancy. I said ""Whatever floats your boat."""

"A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that's a sweet ass."

"A photon goes to a hotel... He arrives and the clerk says, ""Sir may I take your luggage"" the photon then replies, ""No, I'm traveling light"""

"Sorry I put black eyeliner on your baby, but honestly, look at how edgy it is now."

"The best thing about sex with your sister... ...is that if she gets pregnant, you can just blame your dad."

"Why can't Bane play baseball? He always breaks the bat."

"My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer."